Change

If some of my observations or ideas make sense to you dear blogger, then I am not alone in the privacy of my mind, however if none of this makes sense, then perhaps this little blog is not for you, but I hope you will give it a try anyway.

As I sip my hot chocolate drink in my little spare room come study at 2am on a Tuesday morning, my mind roams over vast acres of thoughts, some deep and full of meaning, others, like the chocolate drink for instance, are insignificant in the wider scheme of things. You see, I always hated chocolate flavoured things, chocolate cake or biscuits, chocolate cereals and especially chocolate drinks! Chocolate itself I could eat by the truck load, I am a self confessed chocoholic, but never chocolate flavoured foods or drink. My acceptance of this rather nice hot chocolate drink, made by one of the larger chocolate companies signifies to me a mellowing over the past years, an acceptance of previously hated foods, like sprouts. As a child I was not too keen on sprouts, much like most children, however, again I seem to have mellowed even towards this humble and hated vegetable. Many tastes change over the years, you can begin to dislike something you have always liked, or you can grow to like something you have always detested. Rationalising this statement, I think our tastes do not change perceptively, it’s because as we mature, so does our understanding of what our bodies need for nourishment. Therefore we condition ourselves to eat foods like spouts, ignoring that fact that we may still dislike them. Or it could fall into the category of an acquired taste, like beer. Many of us will remember the first sip of beer with distaste, few will admit to liking the experience in the first instance. Pressure from today’s social cast convince us that beer is a mark of an adulthood and so we strive to enjoy the beverage simply to be acceptable. In most cases the acquisition of taste for beer develops quickly and stays for life. This I am sure is quite normal and experienced by many people.

Other things seem to change as we get older, not just those parts of our body succumbing to gravity but how we view the world around us. A fact verified by simply listening to the conversations of people passing in the street or work place. I have found it is wiser to just listen as they pass, following them and monitoring their conversation will often result in some form of attack on your person. The elderly or more mature persons are famed for the opening statement, “In my day . . . “ or, “When I was a lad . . .”. We have all heard the stories of how things were much better in the old days, people always claim they were happier then, or the sun seemed to shine hotter back then. But the fact often over looked is just how much we as a race have progressed. The days of peace and sunshine are in many cases simply glossed over memories, we embellish the memories that were happy and try to conceal those we regret or make us unhappy . In today’s modern world, and I’m talking many about the western world, if we need a doctor we can see one, if we need food we buy it. There is no need to hunt or gather, braving wild animals and weather. Moving forward in time, children no longer sweep chimneys, few people now live in small cramped hovels, messages or letters can fly the world in seconds and education is available for any who wish to study. Even as near as the sixties, things were a lot harder than to day. With the advances in medicine, technology and travel, our modern life is comparatively easy. I believe the dissatisfaction that many of we more mature persons feel, stems not from all the advances and changes that have happened and will keep on happening, no I think it’s the fact that the world has speeded up. Not literally of course, just our way of living. Transport is faster, communication is faster, fast food, fast living and the need to compete or just keep up with our neighbour drives us all to strive harder and do better. There is much more pressure both at work and in the home to achieve as much as possible in a shorter period of time. The need for more and more time saving technology has restricted the time we have to save. Unfortunately time saving technology is often expensive, so we work longer just to pay for it. Seldom do you find a family where the partner goes to work each day, knowing he/she alone can earn enough to pay the bills and buy all the things modern living expects of him. Rarely do you find a partner who can afford to stay at home and look after children and housework secure in the knowledge that one income will suffice. No, these days often both parents work, rushing home in the evenings to care for children, do chores, prepare for the next day and finally head to bed exhausted with little time or thought to romance, quality time with the family or to enjoy relaxation in each others company. So it is not that we were better off in past times, it was just a different criterion of living, a time of change.
Today the pace of living is faster but we choose to live this way in order to achieve the standard of existence we require and to obtain the items we desire. Surely it was not a good life with bombs raining down on our major cities, food shortages, rationing, lack of medical experience or technology, communication slow and unreliable, depression, unreliable slow transport, no pollution controls and fumes filling the air night and day? There are many, many more items I could list here but I’m sure you get the idea. All of us have memories we cherish, of times when life was good to us and living seemed easy. Just remember change is all round us and when our children are older, they in turn will reminisce about these very times that we complain about now.
I’m not saying that the past was better or worse, life itself changes, we just have to put things in perspective. As a child I would enjoy listen to older people recant their tales from the war years, from trips to other countries or just events from their past. As a teenager I was perhaps more disinclined to take time and listen to one more experienced in life than me. Not that I was any different from many other young persons, it’s just the way of nature, all through the ages young people have strived to be different or rebel against the wishes of their elders, I was no different.

Time however, has a habit of catching you up, like the chocolate drink everyone changes. As I mature disgracefully I hope, I deliberately stop myself from saying those immortal words, “In my day . . . “ or, “When I was a lad . . .”. when talking to the younger generation, I do not want to be sniggered at or viewed with those understanding eyes that only the young seem to truly posses. Instead I have found myself working round the problem, I tend to begin sentences with statements such as, “Years ago people would . . . “ or “ I knew someone who used to . .. “, any way I can find to relate my past experiences to a younger person with out insinuating I’m getting old! Such vanity!

Through my old job as a lecturer and my interests and abilities in music, I do mix with many young people, and therefore I find it easier possibly than many adults to associate with the younger generation, in fact I used to be one! (Sorry, old joke). On the whole I find the more intelligent, or perhaps I should say the more willing to learn of the young people are a pleasure to accompany. I changed from intelligent to willing to learn because there is a difference. Sometimes `intelligence’ is not worth the paper the qualifications are written on. I much prefer to meet and talk to someone who is willing to listen, to have an opinion of their own or simply join in with those who may have something to give. Often people who think they know everything actually know very little about life or the art of living.
Not all the great minds in history are a product of University, or intensive schooling, in fact most are not. Learning can be from any sense source, but we are slowly 'taught' to learn exclusively with our ears, and we develop a language, despite the fact that 90% of early communication is visual - body language.
Body language is highly important in any country in the world, no matter what language is spoken. For instance at a very early age we learn to react to a smile or a frown, we learn to recognise some ones walk, their individual actions or style, the way they swing their arms, the way they hold their heads, the way they walk, hands in pockets or swinging in time with steps. We begin to know if someone is friendly or not so, familiar or a stranger. All these things we learn from body language long before we can actually communicate verbally. As we get older we develop the ability to assess someone’s mood by their actions, husbands know when they’ve forgotten a special date by the threaten position of the frying pan in their wives hand, wives recognise when their husbands are tired with shopping by the slumped and hunched pitiful form hiding in the corner of the shop. We all are experts at reading body language without even realising it. I have used two humorous examples but knowing how to read body language is an important factor in communication. Our eyes tell us as much or even more than what we are hearing.
Before mastering body language, a very young child has to come to terms with the audio language input. As soon as a baby begins to focus on it’s parents face, the requests begin, “Say Mummy” or “Say Daddy” or other assorted titles. At this early stage the poor baby is still trying to recognise factual features, tones of voice and all the sounds going on around it, including body language.
Just when the child has got over the fact that it has to learn by audio means, we throw it back into confusion, by introducing change in the form of a written (visual) code, which also has to be studied. Having the ability to learn is far more important that remembering answers to questions in tests and exams. The ability to learn and the willingness to learn will often succeed where academia fails. Learning is a lifetime occupation, we continue to learn through out our existence as we adapt to changes in our lives and those around us.

Please do not confuse intelligence with wisdom either. A car mechanic often has a much deeper understanding of the vehicle he is working on than the so termed intellectual who designed it in the first place. A patient can have a fuller understanding of his illness than his doctor. A fact increasing noticeable in today’s world, where information and diagnosis can be found at the touch of a button. Intelligence is often a label for those with academic learning, wisdom comes with experience, of change, learning is life long and something all of us do and should continue. Of course most of us know that the highest form of intelligence is common sense!

Time, change and the taste of a sprout or a hot chocolate drink are important to us as we get older, but no so the young people. Young people, as we all used to be, do not consider change as an important factor in their lives. It is not much use telling a sixteen year boy that he should consider his pension! As far as he’s concerned, old age is a millennium away. Telling a child he or she may eventually like the taste of sprouts will most likely be met with sincere disbelief, and maybe the odd howl of laughter! Children and young people of today accept change in subjects that relate to them, modern technology for instance. The young have no fear of computers, game machines, DVD’s or other such technological wizardry. Those of us more mature persons often find ourselves seeking out the assistance of a younger person when dealing with technology. Like the seven year old lad helping his parents understand a mobile phone. Long term change affects them differently, planning for change when leaving school, planning for change in lifestyle when setting up home on their own, or accepting that their bodies will change and life insurance will become important is not what they deem as necessary in their present moment of time. As I ponder while writing, I think back on the changes I noticed during my youth, school days in particular.

I feel I learnt much from observing others during my school years. I watched and wondered about the interactions between members of staff in the school. Too young and innocent to know what was happening, I played items I had seen over in my mind as I attempted to make sense of them. A flutter of an eyelid between a male and a female staff member, a shy look exchange, a slight blush. Certainly I now understand the art of flirting, but back then my experience was limited to say the least. Unquestionably I understood the juvenile flirting practised by we children as our bodies changed from innocence into puberty, but adult flirting, especially among the staff was by necessity more understated. Many uncomplicated and amusing actions by my fellow school friends caught my eye, young girls and boys falling out because one had mischievously or not, as the case may be, punched or hit the other. Again with experience one realises that children can have feelings of attraction or crushes towards each other but not know how to cope with them. They wish to touch or make contact with the person they are attracted to but have no understanding of how to go about it. This would then lead to one hitting or playing a prank on the other in order to attract their attention or purely as an excuse to have physical contact. Unfortunately a quarrel or squabble would result in resentment when all they really needed a hug or to develop a stronger friendship. Times really became interesting when the initial puberty changed to full sexual maturity!
As adults we all understand what it’s like to have a crush on someone, least that’s what we call an attraction between two young people. I remember having a serious crush on a girl at school, a very painful experience at the time with no knowledge of how to deal with it or even what it really was. My dreams were filled with images of this girl and my waking hours were spent trying to get as close to her as possible without portraying my interest. Later I realised why I had a crush on this girl, she was not too good looking nor did she have a particularly good figure. She was in fact, extremely nasty to me and in my efforts to make her like me more, I developed the crush. A youthful crush is quite normal and mostly no harm comes from it. Too often though, when a child discloses the big secret to an adult, the reaction is sceptical to say the least. Adults quickly forget what it’s like to be a child, J. M. Barrie the author of Peter Pan realized this and turned it into a book. To a child or worse, a teenager, a crush is a terrible thing when not reciprocated. Adults call it love when the very same feelings for another person befall them. Unfortunately neither as a child or an adult, you cannot choose who will become the object of your affection, often there seems no logical reason why you are attracted to this person. It may be that you have lots of interests in common, it may stem from spending long periods of time in their company, it could even be their personality. They may make you laugh, they may be kind and sympatric, a nurse for instance, it may be a slight hint of fear toward the other, like hostages falling for their captors, mostly though it’s that they are pretty or have a great body!
Today’s children have a better perception of physical attraction between male and female, again this change is due largely to the easy access to information on TV and the Internet. I am not sure whether this is a good thing or not, so I will avoid the subject of information technology and sex for now.
As a child I still remember the odd actions and expressions I saw when observing grown ups together. Observably it was easy to tell when an adult was angry or upset because it was normally over some thing I had done! I know I said earlier that I was a sickly child, but not constantly. I will admit to being a cause of frequent headaches for my boarding school headmaster when I was healthy. I was just one of those children who always managed to get caught up to something inappropriate. Nothing changed there then! It appeared unjustifiable, many of my friends could fall into a pile of manure and still come up smelling sweet, but not me. Those expressions I understood but when a pretty young member of staff came into the room, things changed, among the older boys and male members of staff. At the time I had no idea, but obviously I do now.
Most of us can remember situations such as this when we were children. When friends or relatives came to your home for a party or gathering, perhaps after a wedding or celebration, and the wine began to flow. Christmas Eve, New Years Eve or birthdays would often lead to such gatherings. At first all would be calm and conversation would be civilised and deferential. As the evening worn on, a change would take place. Talk would become louder, laugher less unnatural and polite, music volume would be turned up, everyone becoming more relaxed and free with conversation and their conduct! All to soon the children were bundled off to bed, after suffering wet and peculiar tasting kisses from mothers, aunties and grannies, plus the odd person they had never seen before and who turned out to be a work colleague or distant relative. Sleep of course would be impossible as the noise and laughter grew in the rooms downstairs. Sounds of clinking glasses and opening cans along with frequent trips past the bedroom door as the adults need for the toilet increased. Sometimes one would hear muffled whispers as a couple passed the door, obviously tired and looking for a bed to sleep in, or that is what young children mostly conclude. The final surprise would come in the morning, when children would watch and wonder what must have happened the night before that turned their parents into bad tempered grizzly bears, bears with a headache and requiring frequent and some times frantic trips to the over worked toilet. Often being a child observing parents behaviour could be confusing! And often helped change our own views on our lives.
We all change during our lives as consciousness and understanding of the world and its inhabitants grow. Like the hot chocolate drink or the poor sprout, our tastes change. Our understanding of adult behaviour begins to make sense as we eventually become adults ourselves. While travelling though my mind, I hope to share some of the thoughts, impressions and observations I make as I wander through my mostly uneventful life. Many experts have written books on thought and the inner workings of the human mind. I do not intend to attempt such a task, I am only chatting to the reader about my perspective on life and how we live it as individuals.
So I have no excuse nor do I give one for my enjoyment of this hot chocolate drink in the early hours of the morning. I have changed, in ways, certainly in looks, in my style of clothes and in what I drink. Be prepared, it happens to us all!